call me miss moody

I know, this has become a drag... I'm sorry, but i gotta have a place to let it out don't i? ;)

I promise i'll try to make this the last one. Until next month that is.. heheh

******

For one, a ripple moves the entire ocean. And i really do not blame that, not entirely. Because it is not up to me to make any judgements, where i myself am guilty as well for being imperfect and jugdemental. Even this post itself is going to sound judgemental, and it is.

Playing the diplomatic role can be tiring. At the end of the day, who do we see at the finish line cheering you on? After 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years even.. who will have the patience and loyalty to wait at the finish line for you?

Loyalty, this is a heavy word. We can be close, but are we loyal? Loyal in the sense that we would fight for each other eventhough we would place ourselves in a disadvantage position. Loyal in the sense that we would defend each other from harm although if we don't, we are to gain. Loyal.. How many do you know that would do that for you?

We talk about others being there for us, but how often are we there for others? I know i am guilty for not being there for alot of people when they needed me. And i'm truly apologetic for my behaviour. But this is not to say that i am always in space, out of sight, out of the radar.. I am always there. Just, not physically...

Mentally, i am always there. With all whom needs me. However right now, i'm starting to think that maybe i have to protect myself further from thorns that will hurt me in the long run. Protect myself from those who only take and not give.

I am sad. I am drowning in my own thoughts. But i am not depressed. It's because apart from these troubles, i know that i still have people that i can count on. As they can count on me. Those who won't judge me as much as the rest. And those who are a little more loyal. I have also my dreams and future that keeps me sane. My future of a wonderful life, surrounded by people who love and care for me. Now tell me, isn't that everyone's dream? :)

For these past week, i've been doing alot of thinking, (which probably explains all my blog posts, which is probably detrimental to my health, but who's keeping track rite?) and i've come to the mental agreement that there are some that must be kept, and than there are some that no matter how hard i may try to hold on to, in the end, it will slip away from me. Like it always does.

*******

I hardly take a deep breath and breathe in the beauty around me anymore, like how i used to. I would watch out for the colours of the sky, the different shades of green as reflected by the trees, the rich colours of the flowers etc.

My thirst for life have momentarily been sucked out from me. I may have met the dementors and been given the kiss of death. Haha.. which reminds me, Harry Potter book is coming out soon!

Talking about books, my nose is currently buried in Wally Lamb's 'I Know This Much Is True'. It's about a set of twin brothers, where one is mentally ill (siao) and the other is normal, and the normal bro is set to find out why the siao one is siao, while he is ok as they are both identical twins so in a way, they are each other. So he sets out to find out how to cure and save him while stumbling upon his family history that may be the answers to his questions.

This book is very mind stimulating. It really makes you examine your own personal feelings towards your family members and even to the people around you. It's so thought provoking that i am now thinking nonsense all day. Hahaha.. No, i'm just kidding. Wally Lamb has a way of weaving his words with your thought and emotions, that you feel what the character feels, and you think what he is thinking without writing it out for you.

Now that's a good writer there.

Aiyo, i just realise how long this post has become.. I will leave you with a saying from the book that popped out and knocked my senses into place.

"With destruction, comes renovation"

Byebye!