My Promise
Last night while lying in bed trying to get a good night's sleep, all sorts of thoughts swarmed into my head. I swear this always happens when i want to sleep so badly, and all that happens is more irrelevent thinkings. Anyway, a particular thought, one that had been lurking behind my mind all these while with me not wanting to face it and acknowledge it, came up. The thought of me being unappreciative of my loved ones around me. My dad, mom, grandmother, etc.
When this topic comes to mind, a particular incident would always spring up. About 6 years back, my family and i were having our usual weekend dinner outing. I cannot remember what happened to me at that time, but i was in a foul mood, snapping at people right, left and center. When it was time to go home, we walked past Mcds and dad asked all of us if we wanted ice-cream, me being bitchy said no of course while the others agreed to it. Because he knew i liked ice-cream, he bought one for me nonetheless. When i saw him holding two ice-creams in his hand, one for himself and the other for me, i immediately snapped at him at a somewhat loud tone, "I TOLD YOU I DIDNT WANT IT!" and walked away. The next thing i knew, he had throwned the ice-cream meant for me away.
The look on his face at that moment broke my heart till this day, and my eyes never fails to swell up in tears whenever i think about it. I constantly wished that i could have behaved another way and become more of a better daughter instead. I regret behaving such terribly. Snapping at my parents and grandmother, yelling at them..
My parents are almost half a century old, and grandma is already 70. And the 19 going on 20 year old me knows better now. Of all the times they sat by my bedside soothing my every pains and sickness, massaging my body when i ached with fever, gently tickling my forehead when i had trouble falling asleep and constantly telling and showing me that you love me. Protecting me and cocooning me from the dangers of the world.
I am very sorry for all that i have done and the bad behaviours from me that you had to endure. Last night, I made a solemn promise to myself- from this moment onwards, i will strive to be the best daughter/granddaughter and person i can be, and will control my temper to become a better person. I promise to truly appreciate and constantly show you my love and will never do anything to hurt you.
This, i promise myself.
posted by Lynnie | Tuesday, September 05, 2006
8 Comments:
all of us somewhat in a way gone through dilemma's such as this. yelling and showin all kinds of attitudes and tantrums. but one most important thing is when we realize our mistakes n takin the opportunity to be better. for nothing is ever to late. i salute n respect for a best fren like u to have known that none of us are perfect. somehow that part of ure blog made me realize, what if my daughter will do the same thing to me in future whereas i've done it to my parents in the past. thanks for makin this your headline topic for today. u have not only save my thoughts from it but somehow has made me a better person and a better mum. :)
hey.. *BIG warm hug for lynnie* , sleepless nights oways brings out d deepest thoughts in our head doesnt it. Well, wats done is done.. nothin can be taken back rite. but its uber good to know dat you regret wat u've done n pledge to urself to be better off.(doesnt sound inspiring i know). Anyway, Uncle Charlie still n will oways love you no matter wat :). take care ya..
ai: Omg, ur reply made me tear up, lol, i was trying to hold back my tears while typing that post. well, we will do better when we know better :) don't worry, if anything i've learnt from my parents is to be as patient as you can with you kids and continue showing them that they are loved. And I know, you ARE a great mom! :) muahs
shien: hahaha.. thanks for your 'encouragement'! of coz uncle charlie will still and always love me la.. i was his survivor who swam to life wey! ;p
i am a great mum with ure support and encouragement. i know i can always talk to you whatever that's bottled up in my heart. in terms of financial difficulties, terms of frenship, life and love. i love u best fren! xoxoxo
i think it's normal especially for girls to throw tantrums especially at our close ones like family and another victim , boyfriend :b so emo la your post . make me wanna cry :/
ai: aww, thanks darlin! i love you too!!!!!!!!!! muahs ;)
cass: heheh, hormonal imbalance.
babe...everyone's emo during exam periods. i was teary too while i read ur post. and it reminded me of how i treated my dad when i was younger. it's even sadder when it happens to...'dads'. cos they have this really sad face and they won't lose a slight bit of temper eventhough they're utterly dissapointed. but erm...it takes even more for us to realize our mistakes and work for the better. u did great babe. CHEER UP!!! can't sleep...erm...call me or msg me. i'll layan eventhou i'm dreaming. :D
Also, dads are the only men that will love us the most and unconditionally, irregardless of all your flaws. It's the feeling of being his 'little girl' everytime you're around. hehe.
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