Well well, finally, the results of my spm has been released. I was definitely ultimately dissapointed at the results that i had gotten. I had studied like a mad cow. I did! I guess this is what happens when you don't study consistently and only rush for the last train at the very last minute. Regretted with every single nerve of my body. Anyhow, at least i didn't fail nor had gotten any Es. Thankfully. But somehow, i still feel really embarassed. My sis had gotten straight As for her stpm, and people who knows us, will be like:

them: Sue Ann, how did you do for your stpm?
sis : 4As.
them: Straights? Wow! That's very good!! (finally notices me) Sue Lynn, what about you? how did you do for your spm?
me : Erm, not good. 4As only.
them: Oh...(Awkward pause) Nevermind, it's ok. (smiles sympatheticly)

What a toll that does to my self-esteem! I feel like i'll always be in my sister's shadow. Studies wise. I want to be better and do better. I do, i really do. But, i just can't.
I have told myself over and over again this afternoon that it is not the end of the world and my parents are not even disappointed at me. Well, maybe not much since i have always been a mediocre student, i would just have to start working harder in my college and uni life and learn not to waste time and to study more consistently.

So people reading, you be the witness, - 'I promise to study as consistently as i can and not let my studies go downhill in the times to come where ever i might be. I will strive to not be a naive, not thinking child anymore. I am going to grow up and work hard for my future!'.
I will try, i really will.